Dr Jim Matto-Shepard
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
— rumi

Does any of this sound familiar?

You find yourself arguing over things that are not that important.

You want more love, caring, openness or excitement in your relationship.

You act in ways that keep you from getting what you want and yet continue to do what is not working.

You feel rejected, blamed, criticized, or emotionally disconnected. 

You have tried couples therapy before only to come away dissatisfied.


Making Your Relationship Better.

Lets face it. If it were easy to have a great relationship, there would be more people doing it.

But, believe it or not, it doesn’t have to be that hard, either.

Take heart. Couples therapy has become one of the most effective change modalities available today.

Neuroscience has demonstrated how relationship patterns (i.e., attachment) are imprinted as the brain develops. (See Stan Tatkin’s web site below.)

We have also discovered that creating new relationship patterns creates new neural pathways. We can change our brains by changing the ways that we care about one another.

We can become more secure, relaxed and hopeful by learning to love one another more effectively!

I have specialized training in various styles of cutting-edge couples therapy. I have listed the web sites for my primary teachers below. I am grateful to my teachers and would like to give them credit for the work they have developed.

Stan Tatkin — attachment with a biological base

Sue Johnson / Becca Jorgenson — “Emotionally focused Therapy” attachment based model.

Ellyn Bader — differentiation based Developmental Model


What to expect in Couples Therapy with me.

I will take an active role in shaping the therapy.

You will come to understand how your childhood attachment patterns are active in keeping you from getting what you want, as well as how those patterns interact with your partner’s patterns in ways that create a viscous cycle.

You will actively practice new ways of communicating and interacting that will feel satisfying and helpful.

You will learn practices that will assist you to create the relationship you want.

There are plenty of difficult issues in every relationship. Most issues only become problematic when the process of the relationship is not working.  In other words, if your relationship is good, you will be able to deal effectively with the problems you have.  When it isn’t you won’t.

In therapy with me, you will see exactly how the ways that you interact with each other are not working and will learn  how to make it better.